I'm in the office today, had lap top repaired and other stuff to get done. None of which really got done (laptop repair not my responsibility, so it got done). I'm sick with anxiety. That is the bottom line. I am nearly immobile today, I really want to go somewhere and cry but I want someone there who will comfort me and who genuinely cares.
I don't even want to write down what I caught Keith doing yesterday, it's so unbelievably fucked up with him right now and I can't see any progress or movement towards change. I'm worn out, I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm ashamed. I'm old, I'm fat, it's not a good time.
Today I am taking him to the medical Dr. to see about medication for depression. I do think he needs it, but I am scared of him falling into the 4% that becomes worse by taking it. I am also concerned by medicating problems, that's what he's basically been doing for a long time and he needs to learn not to. WTF is going to become of my son? It is the fucking scariest thing ever.
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