I am focusing on accepting my life as is, believing this is the way it is supposed to be, regardless of my wants. I am grateful my job is flexible and I can manage the stuff with Keith and having both the kids out of school for the summer. I am grateful I am near my family and they are so willing to help. I am grateful I don't live with someone that makes me unhappy so I can focus on so many other things. I am grateful I can make so many choices-bike ride, dog walk, buy dinner or cook at home. So many comforts I have done with out and was raised with out.
Of course though I struggle with gratitude. I get so frustrated that Lindsey is doing what ever the fuck he wants whenever with whoever and has all of those options available to him. These are his kids, responsibility, crisis too. As the counselor says, he is being him, and that is why you divorced him. I wanted to go and see Lucinda Williams last night, but I don't even consider buying tickets because I have no one to go with. I heard Weezer's going to do a tour where they play Pinkerton all the way through. Will I have anyone to do anything with by then?
I just don't feel the internet or online dating really bringing someone into my life. My job doesn't bring local people too me. Again there are so many good things, but those things sting. I thought I'd have friends to do stuff with and that is not the case. Hasn't this been going on for like 2 years?
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