I need some non alcohol, non carbohydrate related stress relief. It's tough to organize my day or time to be able to exercise as stress relief. I can walk the dog, but getting my sweat on is tough to schedule. Jogging has negative side effects for days (too fat to jog), achy hips, knees, feet. Not making excuses, it just is what it is. I also have to work everyday, at least a little.
Keith was asking when he'd get some freedom back, wants to have a social life this summer. I think it will be another month before we know what the story is with his charges, school starts in 3 weeks. I am stressed just thinking about how to keep him home on Fridays and weekends once school starts. He cannot control himself around smoking/drinking other dangerous behavior and the bottom line is that will land him directly in jail. I don't know how to get that through to him. I've told him he should get a job, but he's not making any moves towards that.
I really do want to eat and drink non stop after 4 PM. I am thinking about asking my Dr for Xanax or something similar. Calorie free at least. I don't want to dull my instincts though. They haven't let me down with Keith yet.
I always feel super needy when I write stuff like what I am about to write, but it really amazes me how much of this is on my own. Nan and Martin are a HUGE help. Lindsey can only react, can't do or initiate anything. No one else really is around. I expect too much from Marie. She's my friend, not my life partner, but it's a disappointing conversation every time she says I should have Lindsey more involved or someone should beat some sense into Keith. It seems that we are past that. What good would that do?
I am a totally lacking patience and get bitchy too fast with Bella. Even when she's been with her dad all of Sunday, most of Monday and with Nan for hours today. I just shut down some how as soon as Keith is gone (like w Nan or Martin) and don't have much left for her. Shitty.
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