Home :)

I am happy to be home this week. I want the comfort of laundry and dog walking. I'm sure I'll be frustrated with couch sitting but for now I'm feeling it. I re read the last post, I did about the same last week but didn't work out while in OH and since I've been home it's just been walking. I'm not going to hate on that, but need to step it up.

This is kind of embarrassing but since no one reads this it should be OK. I can't stop thinking about sex. It is like I am a 15 yr old boy. As I have documented I don't have too many options and I am self conscious about rejection, so not sure how to resolve this. I am clearly too young to be this celibate.

The dog is mad at me. He really doesn't want to be near me. WTF? I think it's 1 of 2 things. He could still be in some pain from getting fixed, and wants to avoid me figuring that out, or he's just pissed about nail clipping, eye medicine etc. Makes me sad :( . Channeling The Dog Wisperer finding the right energy right now.

I really felt like I needed to write this and it's really not much of anything.

No one reads this!

I just think that's funny. I read a few blogs regularly, 4 or 5. I used to really fear someone reading it and now I don't. Other blogs refer to the comfort and the antidote for loneliness in comment, so that is appealing.

I've been watching Celebrity Rehab. What is right under my skin that makes me cry? What am I feeling that is just slightly misplaced or out of context? Maybe everyone has the pain nerve and seeing something in a similar vein activates it, I don't know.

So still writing down what I eat, still not so good. Drank a little better for a few days in Vegas, stopped early, didn't fall for the peer pressure of it all. That was good, but I was having food issues. The food was mediocre. I wanted to be satisfied, which means eating too much~a la last supper syndrome. I didn't do it, I skipped ice cream and available smell good snacks. I didn't eat things I didn't like just to get full (which means stuffed) but I wanted to. I felt a lot worse about that before I wrote it, I didn't do it, but I wanted to. That's OK, that's good responsible behavior.

I want to feel better about my body, which means loosing weight, I need to make that part of my day everyday. So next week the exercise folds back in. Then I need to take that show on the road.

Moving Parts

I was feeling pretty good for about a week or so. Took a big dose of suck it up and started working on what might make me feel better in general. I applied for some volunteer stuff, re learning the Getting Things Done approach to organization/life/work. Hit the road for business this week, rough travel days and the ambiguity and malaise starts setting in. I can see it happening which is helpful to observe how it works. I don't have enough to do, I sit around and surf the web looking for inspiration and it feel shitty. It's just not enough movement or momentum.

Also I've been writing down what I've been eating this trip. It's not good. Also lots of drinking, which makes for more social fun but conflicts with other objectives. I've had plenty of sitting around time today, but going to the gym seems highly unlikely. So when I wrote previously it shouldn't be so hard to eat about 1500 calories a day and get 1 hr of exercise it apparently is.

A few approaches for change-for the next few days focus on getting enough sleep-therefore I should be able to wake up a bit early and exercising first thing (could start on Saturday with exercise). Keep writing down what I am eating and eliminate some food choices (a chicken quesadilla should be off limits when reading a menu).

The GTD method as a project for me will help capture all kinds of objectives-taking classes-write it down, prioritize, etc. Healthy living, socializing etc etc etc.

I think I need to take some old school basic steps of scheduling my time, looking at steps towards long range goals as daily activities, creating momentum, keeping these depressive tendencies at bay.