I'm in Tokyo until Friday, then quick trip to Osaka and back home on Saturday. The flight over was good, got my upgrade, so I was comfortable. The fact that you can only have one position while in coach seems like a form of torture, one that I will endure on the return trip.

I read Eat Pray Love on the way over, a book I've been avoiding for about a year, but I really liked it. I always get weepy on long flights, which is strange because you are not alone, everyone around can see what's going on with you. So the tears are awkward, I had to go into the bathroom and give myself a pep talk in the mirror. I did realize though that the whole on line dating thing is looking for someone to make me feel like everything is going to be OK. So much has happened in the last year, I never talk to the ex, only about the kids and mostly by txt, the problems and anxiety of ending the relationship has left a big vacuum and I know I had the expectation that by ending the marriage a new relationship or a fulfilling social life would magically appear. So it hasn't and that's OK, I know the other idea was a fantasy. I also know that I am OK, the worst has happened, I'm better than before. No stranger on the internet can give that to me. I have to give it to myself. So I think I can do that.

I may be able to separate the "Make me feel OK" desires from other ones, but that takes some more thought. I always remember this talk T and I had in a cab a few months ago (in Korea 'cause I'm an international business woman), we was talking about what he thought he wanted, and realizing it might not happen, Kids, Marriage, etc...the way he said And That's OK, was so full of surrender, the best kind. I hope I can have that too.

Anyway I have a rare few hours to myself here. I sent my laundry to get cleaned and they have called about 20 times to verify the cost and the delivery time. There is such as thing as too much service! So I'll clean up and then hit the streets on my own. Which probably means the train station but good enough.