I kinda get why I am doing this, and why no one else has to read it or know it exists...it's like a diary. I obviously need an outlet and this seems better than some of the alternatives.

So today I cleaned up after 4th of July stuff. Laundry, starting to pack for the trip tomorrow, ran some errands like bank, gas, dropped of soccer registration, caught the boy riding around without his helmet. Went to Macy's and experienced the hell of bathing suit shopping.

I have been working out for 5 days a week for a month (and for so long before that too...) gave up beer (took up white wine) dropped soda and kid's junk food but really my body is the same as far as I can tell. And I am always tired. I am not sure they are related, but dooood. I'd love something to budge a little. Went to E's pool and Jenn was there. OMG!!! I can't believe how distracting she is in a bathing suit. I thought I was going gay. Never in my entire life have I looked like that. But Fuck it, I still went in the pool.

So I hate everyone on the internet, they hate me too, so we are even. I've got to get some experience talking to men other places. I told T I was going to force him to go to bars with lots of white guys in Japan we'll see. Some how I think it won't happen. I'll end up basking in the supposed glow of his supposed attention. Sound familiar?
Nothing else really.Quick bike ride to remind me I'm alive, packing, etc.

Oh yeah.sometimes M makes me mad. It's like she only pays attention to her own feelings. When we are on the phone we have our moments of fun and brilliance, but generally, I feel like I carry the support ball.

I'm going to go cold turkey on constant email checking tomorrow, hopefully no seizures or other hard core symptoms.