Paranioa and Knife Licking

Yesterday I got all paranoid and weird that people could read the blog, that Tets or Ethan or Dennis found it and were acting differently, so I hid it, but dude a little weird that I should care that much. I made me see again that what is going on with Tets inside my head or as a silent dance partner is much different than the reality. The reminders are good because I don't need to go around acting like a 14 year old girl writing notes, or pining away for someone that isn't there and who shouldn't be.

I went to lunch with an internet guy yesterday. He looked heavy in his photos which was honestly a good thing. But then when I saw him he was heavier in person, and he had the eating habits of a fat woman. I mean believe me I know the signs of food abuse. He licked his knife after cutting something. I should've put a stop to it immediately but I was focused on not discriminating against him for being fat. I know for sure I wouldn't be attracted to him sexually, I'd always see the knife licking and the straw using (what man does that?), so now I have to say no to seeing him again after acting like I wanted to. Lesson learned, think about it before moving on. I am so relieved to get the knife licking off my chest, it was really bothering me.

I sent off the email to Ikeda and his family last night with some details about keith for his trip. keith stayed home last night and we watched a movie which was nice. I told him how proud I was of him for making the changes I've seen over the summer. I hope we can keep doing what we're doing and get him through the next year better than the last. His Dad's so non existent as an influence, he totally doesn't get it. I guess it's enough to for keith to know he's there and that he loves him.

This weekend is the imagesource party, I am glad I'm going, just some good fun, with the A team crew.