Today

It's Tuesday, the boys came over for dinner. First I just invited Mark, but then I thought Keith would think it was my boyfriend, so I invited Ethan, and then I wanted Tets to come, so it was the 4 of us. BBQ'd some fish, rice, salad, broccoli and a bottle of wine, desert-strawberries and angel food cake. Now it's almost bed time. I'm listening to Bella sing along to Miley Cirus. I'm going to have to record that tomorrow...it's too awesome to let it fade as memory only.

Asian guy's email again. Don't care. Other normal internet guy emailed after about 2 weeks which seems weird, like who has 2 weeks to wait around, but whatever. Don't care. Had an email from super cute guy, totally cared, it was short and sweet. I emailed him a pic of Tets and Ethan that he wanted, and sent a group email about the bike ride out. That's it. Part of me wants him to get to know me, wants him to read this. Wants all of that to boil up, but part of me is not motivated to make it happen, which is the part I am going with. Mark asked me if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. too funny. Anyway this is the part were my mind and my skills want to run with something, just for the sake of making it happen. But I can't, which feels like progress.

So best work out ever today. Spin was awesome. Working hard, and she came around off the bike and looked at me "What are you working for" "Make it happen, work harder, get it"I am amazed how that stuff works on me but it does, I almost started crying. Hearing myself inside saying I am working for ME and I am worth it, and I will do it, is amazing and powerful. and new. Never before was I able to hear myself love myself or achieve for my sake. Always for someone else. It's on!

Tets is leaving tomorrow AM for 1 month! I'll see him in 2 weeks, but so crazy. I gotta bust my ass while he's gone so I can show off ;-).