Sunday=Procrastinate

I'm supposed to be studying Japanese right now, but am doing a good job of not doing it. I've got to sit with Tets for a few hours when we're in Japan and get some of this stuff committed to memory.
I need more homework and more deadlines to take it seriously. Sad but true.
I was reading Keiths Myspace messages. We really dodged a bullet, he was smoking pot and loosing friends, Alex was avoiding him, girls were judging him. Such a hard corner to turn, and I am just filled with pride and love that he did it. I got drunk once or twice at that age, sneaking liquor from a friends parents, but didn't smoke anything until sophomore year and all of that was pretty occasional, nothing on the regular. I wish I could just be home waiting for him to get home all the time, but it's just not possible, never would be.
So still off the internet dating! Yay me! Pretty much cold turkey for 1 week (not so long now that I type it out, long way to go to make it to the 90 day mark). I read the emails the sites send me and check out the pics, which just reinforces the desire to stay away from it. Some emails with super cute guy yesterday. Kind of a great place, I was asking for help to be where I am and the emails showed up. Very pragmatic but can't deny the hopefulness. I was feeling very lucky yesterday, gym and lunch w girl friends, falling right in my lap, stuff at home to keep me busy, a little sign that someone great might think I am too.

Today

It's Tuesday, the boys came over for dinner. First I just invited Mark, but then I thought Keith would think it was my boyfriend, so I invited Ethan, and then I wanted Tets to come, so it was the 4 of us. BBQ'd some fish, rice, salad, broccoli and a bottle of wine, desert-strawberries and angel food cake. Now it's almost bed time. I'm listening to Bella sing along to Miley Cirus. I'm going to have to record that tomorrow...it's too awesome to let it fade as memory only.

Asian guy's email again. Don't care. Other normal internet guy emailed after about 2 weeks which seems weird, like who has 2 weeks to wait around, but whatever. Don't care. Had an email from super cute guy, totally cared, it was short and sweet. I emailed him a pic of Tets and Ethan that he wanted, and sent a group email about the bike ride out. That's it. Part of me wants him to get to know me, wants him to read this. Wants all of that to boil up, but part of me is not motivated to make it happen, which is the part I am going with. Mark asked me if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. too funny. Anyway this is the part were my mind and my skills want to run with something, just for the sake of making it happen. But I can't, which feels like progress.

So best work out ever today. Spin was awesome. Working hard, and she came around off the bike and looked at me "What are you working for" "Make it happen, work harder, get it"I am amazed how that stuff works on me but it does, I almost started crying. Hearing myself inside saying I am working for ME and I am worth it, and I will do it, is amazing and powerful. and new. Never before was I able to hear myself love myself or achieve for my sake. Always for someone else. It's on!

Tets is leaving tomorrow AM for 1 month! I'll see him in 2 weeks, but so crazy. I gotta bust my ass while he's gone so I can show off ;-).