And then I went a little crazy for a pretty stupid reason

Bella won a reading contest in her class and went out to dinner with her teacher and 2 other kids. One of which is the daughter of the crazy mom that I love. So I went out to dinner with crazy mom, which makes me feel happy because I have officially made a friend. I picked Keith up from a friends, he asked me if he could go before he went, and agreed on a reasonable pick up time!

I was home doing whatever and get an email from MB, the guy from Chicago. We went back and forth for an hour or so and then he says he's going to be in San Diego next week do I want to see him. Umm, yes please. So you know how my mind works in these cases. I started asking about logistics, which day, what time, any other old work people there. I went to bed before the answers and then I woke up a few hours latter and couldn't sleep for a few hours. A lot of anxiety about the whole thing. I am playing out what the rejection is going to feel like when he doesn't show up, when he cancels, when he is late. I am living with the negative, creating the negative, all kinds of crazy. I am also letting that bleed into everyone I meet. I have the other date tonight, like its not the same energy? I isolate or compartmentalize the humiliation and hurt from SCG, and even GF before that and my body feels like it's reacting to the risk. I can remember so clearly the feeling when I was in Austin to see SCG and I'm leaving from the airport feeling WCS creeping in. And then it was.

I think it's more about the fact that I ignored my gut and the signs in the old situations, but now my gut is confused and sending signals before signs. How to I realign it? I never want to stop taking risks, but risks with the anticipation of failure is just failure.

Mid day update
Unlikely to happen, he emailed this AM and said schedule is falling apart. I get that, I know how those things go, but feels self fulfilled, embarrassing. Some progress though, he told me in advance vs no call no show. All of it is also self contained, he has no idea the reaction, played it cool. Slightly disappointed in Marie however. Txt'd her last night with something obviously requiring feedback, and then called this AM and nothing in return.
Another update
I went and talked to Stevie Nicks and she said the anxiety was really the gut going off about doing more than my share. Driving to see him and making all those plans feels like something OK to do, but her point was he should do more.