Week Whatever of Teenager meltdown

On Wednesday we had a total blow up because I caught Keith trying to sneak out. It was a crazy experience....phone range, I was in bed I and I thought I knew where the phone was, but then couldn't be sure. Got up, his door was locked, he opened the door fully clothed, shoes and all. His skateboard, a beanie with a cigarette in it and a baggie full of coins. The crazy part was to what lengths he went to in his lie. I'm "sketchy" he wasn't "planning" on leaving. Got totally out of hand, yelling at me. He hates me, hates living here. I called Lindsey to come over and boy did that make it worse. Keith was hitting himself, saying I was forcing him to kill himself. All sorts of crazy. Oh yeah, I have 2 kids, the most heartbreaking was Bella crying in her bed with the blankets over her head. Lindsey came and when I let him in I saw the screen was off Keith's window, but I am crazy. So after Lindsey and I both talking to him for a while, I'd had enough and left them alone. Seemed to calm down, but it's all a big fucked up mess. He's been sleeping on the couch ever since so I can see him. Not sure what to do about that. I want a new couch included in his restitution.

For most of this weekend he's been at Nans. We did a lot of house work yesterday (Keith included) then I had to get groceries etc, so he went to Nan's. Today he and Martin went to the Fair to see the skate competition. They work back and forth from Nan's all day.

I've never really thought too much about what he's said to me in the past. Today though all that stuff about hating me and hating it here wouldn't go away. I don't know how to process it. Same old Mom song for a 1000 years.

Also remember how I said I have no friends? Totally true. So over Marie and the just totally unavailable thing we've got going on. I spent some time with Shelagh and Janet from HS last week. It was easy and fine, but don't really want all that much more of it. I have no idea what they think about me or the boy felon situation.

Today Lindsey took Bella to his mom's for a BBQ and I had nothing to do. I could fold laundry, walk the dog, or go to a movie alone. I went to a movie alone, but just feel nothing about any of it. Sad a little, but no desire to do anything. I feel like you can't have it all at once. Right now I have a job I have to maintain, and a family crisis, not much room for much else. But my support system is limited and I could use more of that right now. This week is all home, maybe 1 day at a customer. Wednesday's are the worst now. Keith has to go to summer school and counseling. Lots of unhappy driving around town for us.

I'm going to do this again

I am doing this again mostly because I can't find anything nearly like my life on the internet. Maybe it's out there....IDK. The internet teaches us to be ADD if nothing else, so if it doesn't come up in the top 3 I am not going to find it. I am still 100 yrs old and mostly friendless and with no significant other or prospect for one in the future. Today I am OK with that. Other days it makes me sad.

I have 2 kids...7 and 15.5...15.5 was arrested for a felony 1 week ago. He stole cigarettes with 2 friends, $3k worth. He would've sold the cigarettes for money to buy pot. So now we are waiting to see what happens next. He's working through his summer school stuff, staying home, supervised 100% of the time. I am sure he is withdrawing from smoking pot and cigarettes. In some ways it's a relief to know he's here and not doing anything he shouldn't be. No cell phone, no house phone privileges.

I am a responsible adult, I have a full time job. I am focused on my kids, I don't have drinking problem. I don't recreationaly use drugs. I work, I take care of my responsibilities and still I have a son who committed a felony. No one really addresses the fact that you can be doing mostly the right things and still things turn out not so good. "mostly the right things" I think if I had stayed married longer it wouldn't have turned out this way. Also the little things through out his childhood...no quitting soccer! No rated PG movies! No tolerating the substance abuser in our family...but here we are.