Monday, February 15, 2010

Sitting in Coach en route to Newark

Sadly True Title. Writing to pass the time, not much to say really. I went to dinner/drinks with Shelagh last night, it was fun. I used to be jealous that I wasn’t really in her life, but thankfully not carrying that around now. It’s so hard to explain why I got divorced or what’s wrong with Lindsey. Can I tell a million small stories and it seems like I am petty and none of it matters? Can I explain how he didn’t want me to be me and how he hated my spark (any spark). It feels weird.

I’m not sure if I ever wrote about Steve, a guy I used to work with about 10-12 yrs ago. We always got a long great, and we were always married. When I left Kx I called and let him know and we spent a few months going to lunch once a week or more. He wanted to have an affair, but I held fast and wouldn’t (amazing!). His marriage was on and off, and he has a 4 or 5 yr old autistic son, and he’s about 50. Overtime it was getting harder to resist, and spending time with him was acting as a surrogate for me finding something else. I didn’t hear from him for over a month and when I did I was pissed and told him I felt used. Then I didn’t hear from him for a few more months.

He texted me last week. I had been thinking of calling him, but thankfully didn’t. We were supposed to meet for lunch last week, but he was in Long Beach and I didn’t feel like driving that far.

The whole thing was lasted about 2 months (June/July), maybe into Aug or Sept. I remember it was insufferably hot every time I saw him. I wanted to be the friend that helps you in a bad time in your marriage. That’s such a tough place to be alone. But I heard a few things I really didn’t like. He was very hateful towards his wife’s almost infidelity, but we were almost infidels weekly. He wanted her and his son to move so he could stay in the house. Don’t kids need their Mom’s and lots of stability? Also he’s old and the thought of a BF with an autistic son is a bit much. Maybe not if he was super dad, but I wasn’t really feeling that. We do have a certain chemistry though, and he has the right sensibilities. I am waiting to see how long and if he’ll contact me again after the lunch didn’t work out, and what he has to say for himself.

I had lunch with an internet guy and it was :I . Maybe it wouldn’t suck but I wasn’t feeling it, and I don’t think he was either. He has emailed me since, but IDK. Nothing wrong, but nothing right either. There are 2 or 3 others out there but it’s been tedious.

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