I hadn't had sex for a year and half. It was OK for the first year I guess. I was focused on not repeating the issues of SCG and really focusing on what I want; a relationship, something repeatable. As I have explained I have been thinking about sex, sweating sex, distracting myself from thoughts of sex and that is awkward. So I was at a meeting in Chicago and met someone who works at KeFX and had a little too much to drink and he was in pursuit. The good news is the dry spell is over, or at least the counter has been reset. It was fun and in the moment I didn't feel any regret or anxiety (more than a couple of drinks will do that to you). He was very sweet and then he left in the AM and I haven't heard from him since.
I still don't really regret it, but this is not who I am or who I want to be. Colleagues will talk, and I want something more and sleeping with someone immediately isn't going to give that to me. It made me see I was missing intimacy and craving that vs sex. I also see myself capable of repeating the past. Turning this stranger into an option, I could find him on facebook, I could call or txt, I could find a reason to go to his town. I am not doing any of those things and on one hand that's good, but on the other hand it makes me see I slept with a stranger. Uggh. Also does not help that I read Finding Mr. Goodbar on the plane on the way over. Harsh.
I am hoping I can take the confidence of knowing someone was interested, keep that desperate edge away and go into meeting people with a better head.
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