Home :)

I am happy to be home this week. I want the comfort of laundry and dog walking. I'm sure I'll be frustrated with couch sitting but for now I'm feeling it. I re read the last post, I did about the same last week but didn't work out while in OH and since I've been home it's just been walking. I'm not going to hate on that, but need to step it up.

This is kind of embarrassing but since no one reads this it should be OK. I can't stop thinking about sex. It is like I am a 15 yr old boy. As I have documented I don't have too many options and I am self conscious about rejection, so not sure how to resolve this. I am clearly too young to be this celibate.

The dog is mad at me. He really doesn't want to be near me. WTF? I think it's 1 of 2 things. He could still be in some pain from getting fixed, and wants to avoid me figuring that out, or he's just pissed about nail clipping, eye medicine etc. Makes me sad :( . Channeling The Dog Wisperer finding the right energy right now.

I really felt like I needed to write this and it's really not much of anything.

Why haven't I, why can't I, will I ever?

I am wondering why I haven't been able to loose weight, or stick to a lifestyle that makes me feel better about myself. I am about the same weight for the last year or so, about 2 yrs ago I was 20 lbs less. I don't want to go to a place that is just beating myself up for the sake of if it, but I also keep the reality of my weight at arms length. I am over 200lbs, I want to be in a relationship, these things are not easy to balance.

I am not a person lacking discipline, or will power, I am a person defined by that but I can't seem to apply it to this issue. It doesn't have to be that big of a deal, and it kind of isn't. I really just wonder why I have never made this happen and made it stick.

There are no right answers or magic formulas. Just eat about 1500 calories a day and get 1 hr of exercise. I think I can do that. Why don't I? Why haven't I?