Everything stays the same and everything changes

All that stuff about Keith not using drugs, False. He got caught by the cops smoking on Friday behind the Wendy's (classy). He got a ticket, but didn't get handcuffed or taken in anywhere. Keith was the one who bought it and had it ready to go. I gave him about 1 hr after school and his dad gave him $20 and there you go.

The police called me and I went and picked him up (from behind said Wendy's) and flipped the fuck out. I yelled at him, at his friends. Threw his phone in the bushes, mad mom on 11. Now it's the following Wednesday and I am not sure WTF is going on w me. We went and saw the counselor again on Tuesday and she spent time alone with me. We are all in agreement that the drug use is unacceptable completely, but the fighting and the arguing after wards is normal ant expected behavior. She was giving me a lot of advice about not talking to him like an adult or expecting him to behave as one. I never considered myself a mom that needed to be friends with her kid, or was looking for him to fill some other emptiness, but that was 100% the talk I was getting. Wow! It's hard to accept that I might be doing that, but I am trying to wrap my head around it.

It's still an incredibly emotional reaction. I have some feeling of relief that his behavior is mostly normal but my mind just can't wrap around how to deal with it and what to do.

There's the same old stuff-needing to make more friends, wanting to meet someone, dealing with the fall out of the ups and downs of what wasn't but what I thought might kinda be. That doesn't deserve the space or attention of the other issues, but it exists.

Great Advice-It doesn't have to be hard & I have arrived

I pay a lot for great advice, in the form of professional counseling. I have always viewed it as a hired advocate, a coach, an impartial yet dedicated ear. This week she was the bomb. I've been feeling blah about all the things I always feel blah about

1.Mom-she sucked and continues to remind of that
2. Life-feels like it's on pause-talking about same crap forever
3. Parenting-Enforce vs. Consult
4. Men-can't even give that a sound bit
5. Friends-I don't have enough reliable ones to constitute a social life, and I'm old and live in So Cal

So her great advice was to do something easy, not hard. In moments like this I have previously signed up for a marathon (w a fund raising obligation), a century bike ride, and Japanese class. I loved that advice because I loved the acknowledgment that she had been listening for the last 2 yrs. and because it just hit, it doesn't have to be hard. I invited all the women in OC or near OC that I know on FB to be in a book club, and the response was good enough to go forward. Nice! Possible social life enhancer.

I have long committed to go to Drinking Liberally and to work on Habitat with Humanity, but have yet to. Honestly, they feel hard (another great outcome of her advice). Going out and drinking and acting smart are beyond my comfort zone right now, and my gut says my comfort zone is what's right for me for now. Habitat for Humanity will happen, but isn't grounded in social activity, but in altruism, which is where it belongs. Work keeps getting in the way of orientation.

It doesn't have to be hard. I have arrived. 2 pieces of advice that really made a difference.